The venom of your lyrics
Could make a girl’s heart crumble;
But I held onto fallacy:
Music isn’t always affable.
You shrieked at my every wound
Until the locks slid into place;
The allowance of my heart
Could not itself deliver.
The chord that played my heart
Was frayed at the soul;
At every insult you bestowed
My fortitude went down an octave.
You screamed insults at my core
With lips lacking tune,
Then sang at me my lullaby
In a voice nearly a whisper.
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I thought the "My Papa's Waltz" was tragic, too. Whiskey, waltzing, pans falling all over the place, and frowning jaws can't be good.
ReplyDeleteI really like what you wrote. You have great word choice, and I really like the 2nd and 4th stanza.
ReplyDeletei like the usage of musical terms, it really painted a picture in my head, and having done so with a topic that is usually a happy one, made it even more somber, who would have known.
ReplyDeletei also thought it was good to keep the same music theme throughout the poem, like the waltz and dance theme was kept in "my papas waltz" throughout the entire poem.
ReplyDeleteThe really found the last stanza
ReplyDelete"You screamed insults at my core
With lips lacking tune,
Then sang at me my lullaby
In a voice nearly a whisper."
to be powerful. Your word choices, from screamed to whisper, are very memorable.
- K De Melo.
I like the poem that you wrote but I don't know how this relates to My Papa's Waltz. I thought the poem was very sweet and loving. Your poem is violent and angry. I am curious as to how you got to that.
ReplyDeleteI think your imitation is the other side of the coin with the father. What I mean by that is in the waltz, the father is drunk and his wife is upset, but the hands caked with dirt show this is a blue collar guy. He's embarrassing his wife by being drunk, but at the same time he is a loving parent. Where the father pats the child's head, yours has insults being thrown. But yours has this duality that the father in the waltz could in fact be or become. it's like the other side of the coin. very interesting.
ReplyDelete