I wait at home lying on the felt tipped couch,
Perched ears trying to pick up the signal
Of her coming home. A car whizzes by,
My body snaps into full attention.
But no, no one is home, and I plop my head
Into the bubbled cushion with the sheets
Covered in scary dinosaurs,
Causing me to drop my eyelids into the sand.
And I dream of bones in another land.
-Brandon Cusak
I really like what you wrote. I love that we can tell it is a dog and how fully emerged you are in a dog's point of view. It might be interesting to see how this piece would sound if we didn't know it was a dog speaking so early on in the poem, it might add some mystery or more intrigue into the poem.
ReplyDeleteOr, if that doesn't interest you, since we are currently seeing the world through the dog's eyes, it might help to imagine the details of the dog's world, such as writing about who the "her" the dog is waiting for? You could try this for a writing exercise - write a scene or poem where you character is not present. Have other characters talking about him, and give your audience a sense of your character through how these characters portray him/her to each other. It could be a series of kind things they say, or very unflattering things. (The basic idea for this writing exercise is from "The Writer's Idea Book".)
The last two lines really stayed with me. I found myself repeating them over and over because the images they brought to mind were very vivid.
ReplyDelete- K De Melo.