Response to "Margaret"

After reading Margaret by Richard Brautigan, it occurred to me how sentence structure affects the piece. By using short sentences and incorporating imagery through the use of concise descriptions (ie "...and now they stood outside my door, knocking.") actions and events become less explicit and more open to the reader.
This is my attempt at breaking up the sentence structure of the story. As you can tell, it's very deliberate, but it gets the point across-- less can very easily be more.

Margaret

There was a sound at the door.

I could tell precisely who it was by the subtle, yet persistent knock—seemingly amplified through the semi-solid oak door hanging triumphantly in the middle of the deteriorating plaster crust of the living room wall.

The pictures fell to the ground.

Approaching, she stepped of course, on the only board on the bridge that made any noise at all—that which creaked and bled beneath only her weight—save the time the neighbors dog happened to cross into the yard, tracking the scent of our haggard old lab that is slowly but surely becoming fertilizer in the back yard, yet still finds ways to seduce any nearby mutt in need of a quickie—that board was never treaded upon.

I did not answer the door.

When at last she lost interest, time seemed to return to its normal course: a slow circle in the midst of a euphoric dreamland, filled with pink clouds and fuzzy things in generous portions—teddy bears and cuddly kittens.

Margaret was not a kitten.



-McCoy McDill-Gurmin-