Not just now, not just now,
My tears frozen to my cheeks.
I rise from my empty throne and bow
As it fills with frost and leaks
The remaining black powder of
My forgotten kingdom of coal.
Not just now, not just now,
I will not die this night.
The woman ignores me, that cow
I swear as I feel the cold's bite
I will die this night.
Not just now, not just now,
The coal dealer cannot hear,
On my empty bucket is how
I will die in cold fear.
Not just now...just now.
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Brandon, you did a great job of condensing the idea of "The Bucket Rider" into a very well-written three stanza poem. I enjoyed reading your piece and liked the rhythm you had going. The ending "Not just now...just now" seemed to slow down a lot and trickle off, just as I feel the original entry did. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteI would love to see you expand on this and dive further into the character.
ReplyDeleteGreat job summing up the short story in the form of a poem! This line really stuck out for me: "I rise from my empty throne and bow", just the idea of a bucket of coal being an "empty throne" was a nice juxtaposition. I also enjoy the last line "Not just now...just now.", it felt very bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good poem--I like your use of the same statement, Not just now, not just now, four times. And just the tone of the poem overall. Unfortunately, this story was missing from my reader, but your poem makes this story seem good--at least.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree about your use of rhythm and repetition and such. Very very nice. There's a slight stumble in the end of that first verse, which would be a good place to focus if you wanted to revise this piece, but isn't really a big deal.
ReplyDeleteKind of reminded me of that Jack London story "To Build a Fire," which is funny because the Kafka story should have already done that, but didn't.
By the way, put this poem to some pretty, dismal finger-picked acoustic guitar melody and you've got a rockin' Kafka inspired folk song, no way to go wrong with that.
I liked the last line: "Not just now...just now." removing the word not suggests the speaker is finally giving up, a great way to end the poem.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the repetition of the first line of every stanza and the last line of the poem. Only with that slight alteration. You also did that with the line, "I will not die this night." That set the tone of the piece for me. Good work.
ReplyDeleteBrandon I swear this is my favorite out of anything I have read of your work. I love the ending. Not just now...just now.
ReplyDeleteYour poem really captured the feel of this story for me. The repetition made me think of the constant begging the bucket rider has to do to get the coal, and the lack of a conclusion he experiences in the end. It doesn't change for him, it stays the same regardless.
ReplyDelete