revision

there are two main issues i have with revision, as well as writing, but revision only seems to amplify these problems. the first problem is procrastination. procrastinating on revising a work seems easier than procrastinating on a work itself. part of me, though scared to admit it, doesn't want to face my characters again. meeting them for the first time was fun, exciting, playful, but meeting them a second time around can only be awkward, foolish, feeling inconvenienced by their presence, questioning their personality, their standards, the color of their hair. i want them to fix the errors in my story themselves, while i'm asleep in bed. i'm exhausted by even the thought of moving around words, places, saying a sentence a hundred times in my head until i think it sounds best. these are the things that drive a person insane.

the second part is simply doubt, at a very immature and childish level, yet it is the self-doubt that is usually crippling to adults. it is the very sickly, sharp part inside of me that does not know if my writing is any good. how should i know? how can i know? is revision even worth it? if i can't write then maybe i should just toss the cards in now and walk away.